Stephen Hawking hosted a secret birthday party in 2009 where he only invited time travelers from the future. Afterwords he announced that nobody appeared at his secret party, demonstrating time travel is impossible.
Here's what really happened:
Bang! A grizzled scarred man in military armor materializes in an almost empty living room. He sees balloons, unopened champagne and a birthday cake. A startled Stephen Hawking wakes up from a nap.
“Professor Hawking?” The man asks.
“I wasn’t actually expecting…”, the computerized voice emanates.
“I am from the future! I’ve come to warn you about the destructive terror of time travel! Never has humanity come up with a more devilish weapon of war. I seek to prevent the deceitful lies of future tyrants.
A new language of horror arises from these tools in the hands of unscrupulous aspiring dictators. The atomic wars become mere footnotes in the age of time traveling imperialism.”
Bang! A bearded man with a monocle materializes, "Professor Hawking, I am Dr. Nectron. I bring you greetings from the future with the secrets of time trav…"
Zap! The scarred man shoots the monocled Dr. Nectron as his head splits to reveal computer chips and battery acid shooting from his cybernetic skull. The robot slowly evaporates in a colorful cloud.
“An NX-4000. They are part of the Chronographer’s Conquest. Our wars are fought in the mind. Do not believe anyone who comes with good news. They are the spam emails from competing future empires.
In my timechannel you are visited by one of these spambots and show the dastardly tricky flaws in your general model. These corrections permit for time travel.
Humanity starts working on it deluded in optimism. Those predicting evil are dismissed as alarmists but you see, scammers always abuse dreams.”
Bang! The shape of a sandy haired woman takes form, "Dr. Hawking! I’m from the Interstellar Science Society..."
Zap! The phaser gun makes her shine and she stumbles "Dr. Hawking! I’m from the Interstellar Science Society…"
The man telescopes a nightstick and smashes the woman’s head as blue smoke and green sparks radiate from her face.
“A different timechannel! I’ve never seen one of these. They must all be coming here!" She starts again, "Dr. Hawking! I’m a from the Interstellar Science Society…" He takes his sidearm and plugs bullets in the robot’s mouth as it evaporates in a flash.
“They really aren’t here. These are mass produced holographs from the futur… I have said too much. I’ll deflate the balloons to make it look like a day has passed.”
The man hurries over to Hawking’s wheelchair. “I must get you out of here. Do not report any of this. There must be no historic record.”
The man wheels Dr. Hawking to his parlor and sits down, finally relaxing. "Is this tea? I’ve only heard of it. You mind?
Everything you speak, all ideas, all things, all thoughts, they are all of the past. Society and knowledge is a composite of the shadows of former presents.
When people lie or misrepresent knowledge they speak of a past they wish to change.
What if people who have the most to gain from deceit had a tool to actually change the past and make these lies the truth?
What if they had time travel? I see you’re starting to understand!
The liars of today will become the time travelers of tomorrow. They are in constant battles to redefine the past for their benefit.
These modifications and permutations never stop because it is humanity's own failings and frailties that blemish their imagined perfections. They seek the unattainable and refuse to accept the unattainability of it.
Those of the future who cannot accept this perpetually contest the now and rob the world of having a present. Causality, reality, truth, facts, science itself, it all becomes as manufactured as a glossy advertisement.
Whether these people pretend the past in your time or do what we call presend in mine, the world is better with A reality, just one. It's definitionally part of what makes that concept useful.
Tea is amazing. I hope to one day enjoy this again.
The tool of time travel takes this reality away you see. The past is subject to change without notice as much as the uncharted future bound by it.
The liars are in a relentless pursuit of realitizing new fictions, to change facts to fit their opinion.
It is a tool for ambitious idiots who try to resolve their cognitive dissonance, their fantasies of the past. However, they are never attached to reality, not even that which they create.
Thus they only create increasingly catastrophic problems with each effort. This is how society slides into war. We always think it’s far too stupid to continue but irrationality is contagious.
Your world has mostly forgotten about the semanticist Korzybski but his works are crucial in my time. Do you know the phrase “The map is not the territory”?
We attempted a Westphalia Treaty for the 4th dimension to declare chronogeopolitical borders in channels of spacetime.
It didn’t work. We could not agree on a present because the past was in dispute. There was no consensus of reality to be the foundation.
The immutability of the past is the most important thing there is. In a way, it’s the only thing there is.
Dr. Hawking, now you may have become Death, the destroyer of worlds. Sometimes the best action is the least action. The art of truly doing nothing is the most difficult skill to practice.
So, lie about today. Say nothing happened.
The fate of humanity hangs on your willingness to deceive. Lying about the past can only change the future. This lie will be your finest hour as it becomes tomorrow’s truths.
Do not let your integrity vanquish dreams of persons yet born. It is in intentional silence where those of privilege exercise the most power.
If you make the moral choice I will return to a world, possibly of peace, possibly of war. But I will know the next day will build on the last. I will be empowered to create a future built atop a permanent past and dreams will have meaning.
I must go. Goodbye Dr. Hawking. Happy birthday.”
The man evaporates in a cloud sparkled by light and color
Stephen sits alone hearing muffled sounds from behind his living room door. Constant bangs followed by “Happy Birthday Dr. Hawking, I am from the future!”. Then fizzles and sparks.
He’ll describe exactly what happened. Humanity will appreciate the consequences. Simple integrity should be enough.
That is just his imagined perfection, his own foolish optimism. The cynicism of experience must guide the way. Into his computer he enters, “Time traveler’s birthday party: it was nobody and nothing.”
