"I’m forced into this life of crime because the head of Wayne Industries refuses to pay a living wage for me to feed me family" the thief explains. Batman for the first time realizes spending his wealth on expensive punitive gadgets for crime enforcement will never solve a problem caused by his voluntary withholding of the means to socially reproduce from his workers.

Maybe he shouldn't have done that union busting. Gotham needs Bruce to play human much more than Batman to play hero.

He unties the man and mumbles "You're right. The true criminals are Wayne enterprises. The rich need to stop the material conditions that create their wealth, not maldistribute it through tax shelters and foundations"

"For the first time", the man smiles, "you're finally speaking in defense of humans and not capital". Batman slips into the darkness, screaming at himself.

Stephen Hawking hosted a secret birthday party in 2009 where he only invited time travelers from the future. Afterwords he announced that nobody appeared at his secret party, demonstrating time travel is impossible.

Here's what really happened:

Bang! A grizzled scarred man in military armor materializes in an almost empty…

Griffith Park, reviewed by an imaginary mob boss

Bugsy, Flatface and Me has been very satisfied by the accommodations available at the lovely Griffith Park. We are particularly delighted the secluded canyons are quiet at nearly all hours.

Why it was just last Tuesday we was there at about 3AM doing a little delivery when we stumbled upon…

During the 1700s, a cabal from the burgeoning capitalist class raised a mercenary to raid the coffers of the local feudal lords. After doorbusting their castles, they plundered all they could see and peddled the stolen valuables in the town square at bargain rates causing a buying frenzy.

The feudal lords were incensed and used their militia armed with muskets to fight against the mercenary with their blunderbusses causing the streets to become black with soot and gunpowder.

The townspeople fled wearing their new cheaply bought Prussian silk robes and carrying knapsacks containing fine Ming chinaware shouting “be a libertine, on dollar a day, frugality”

The capitalists made off like bandits, because they were, the townspeople were busy enjoying their new things, the town was upended and covered in soot, and the feudal lords saw the writing on the wall.

This was the first Black Friday.

1973: Xerox just spent 3 years and millions of dollars for top scientists to work in secret on the next big thing.

Today, the lead scientist is demoing the fruits of their labor, the Alto, the
first modem personal computer.

March, 1973

Prof: I present, the Personal Computer!
Boss: Personal!? You…

Imagine if you can, a race of brilliant creatures a few millimeters tall. Their greatest city extends the size of an average human backyard. Their magnificent skyscrapers have observation decks that would brush against your ankles.

Most live, fear, hope, love, hate and die within a space the size of…

Ballot measures that would unarguably save bags of cash were soundly rejected by hundred million dollar hubris peddling campaigns.

They work because the voters are low-information, uninformed and proud of it in spite of the real-world consequences. Let’s go over 3 ballot initiatives.

Measure B

Every year, the LA tax-payers pay $100,000,000 in interest to commercial banks like Wells Fargo and Bank of America because the city hasn’t chartered its own…

After my fifth day of wandering the vast unforgiving island in search of the mythical tribe, I am about to forfeit the journey when a mysterious native suddenly emerges from the underbrush. He identifies himself as the tribe chieftain and extends his hand in friendship.

As I am escorted back…

chris

a return of the story blog

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